![]() Because we are middle-aged - more of the "cocktail party generation" than the " Tinder" generation - meeting potential partners online didn't feel right for us. It united us I learned things about my husband that were surprising, profound, and sexy! In turn, he learned quite a bit about me. So, being honest - a critical component of my life partnership - I told my husband, "I fantasize about other men … all the time." From there we opened up a three-month conversation that relieved a pressure we hadn't even realized existed in our relationship. We're hard-wired that way, and no amount of anxious moral proselytizing can change that. The fact is, even people in the most committed monogamous relationships feel attraction outside of those relationships. Had I thought about having sex with other men? Of course I had. The media didn't present a very inviting picture of sexual adventurism for a married, monogamous, heterosexual woman like me. The people I saw interviewed on the topic of swinging and poly weren't sexy to me. As a straight woman, the images of girl-on-girl held no appeal for me. TV, magazines, and movies described a culture and a constituency that simply didn't resonate with who I am. I had heard about polyamory - specifically "swinging," with its built-in 1970s connotations - but the idea had never been presented to me in a way that appealed. He asked me, "Have you ever thought about sleeping with another man?" On a summer evening five years ago, my husband and I were sharing a bottle of wine and relaxing on our front porch. I enjoyed sex with a handful of partners before my marriage, and, in the context of our marriage, my husband and I had always been open and adventurous, though monogamous. I have also always been a very sexual being. I was - and still am - an engaged, driven, and organized new-millennia mom, balancing a small business, a big social life, nurturing my marriage, and raising two small girls to be powerful, informed, curious, and free-thinking individuals. I built my business while organizing carpools, attending doctors' appointments, room-parenting, play-dating, serving on a board or two, cleaning, dicing, pressing, and community-building. I love to work, and thrived with each client interaction. So I started a business as a fashion stylist, professionally advising men and women on wardrobe selection and management. It was difficult, and often lonely.Īfter four years of full-time baby monitoring, I needed to work outside of the home. I nursed, cooked, cleaned, nursed again (and again), and attended to the needs of my family. A month before our first baby was born, I left my event-planning career to stay at home with my daughter. Before our children were born, I had a successful career in event planning, managing large charitable auctions and business events. ![]() After school we were happy to settle in an energetic, progressive city like Portland. I attended excellent private schools - including an elite boarding prep school - and got my bachelor's degree in history and literature at a small liberal arts college in Europe. My parents loved, supported, and encouraged me, as they do to this day. My upbringing was fairly conventional, if somewhat privileged. While I might look like the rest of the married people on your block, I am, in fact, a sexual powerhouse: a discerning, happy slut. ![]() Every human has distinct eating habits and sleeping habits sexuality and sexual predilections are as singular as the individual. But sexual proclivities are as diverse among married, straight people as they are in the LGBTQ world. ![]() Monogamy and heterosexuality are supposed to "look" a certain way in our culture. ![]() Women - and men - who deviate from those norms are, in fact, considered "deviants." Perverts. In a country and culture that systematically represses normal sexual urges, putting a face of shame and disgrace on even the simplest desires ( Don't touch yourself there! Save yourself for marriage! Don't look at other men/women!), a person like me - well adjusted, well educated, happy, and successful - is expected to adhere to some restrictive societal norms. ![]()
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